For the fourth time, I’m seeing someone to talk over my issues.
The first time it was cognitive behavioural therapy to address a decade’s worth of nightly panic attacks. It didn’t help as far as the panic attacks went – being on SSRIs did – but it also gave me the opportunity to talk about traumatic events that I had witnessed. That was good. I also learned how to think about how habits and layout can influence thoughts. I don’t remember how long this therapy went on for; maybe a few months.
The second time was to deal with relationship issues. Through that I learned to deal with conflict, as I would previously shut down emotionally. I also learned to communicate anger constructively, which was something I didn’t know how to do. I had previously been verbally abusive when angry. The things I learned there were invaluable. I feel like we did this for six months to a year.
The third time wasn’t really by choice – I had to in order to acquire a referral in order to see a doctor that might prescribe hormone replacement therapy. There I was able to talk about my gender identity and issues with my parents – many of which weren’t related. I walked out with a better sense of my own identity. I did that for five months.
The fourth time has just started. I’m going in to find ways to address what I believe to be my codependency issues and behaviours that can harm people I care about. I also want to talk about grief and loneliness.