I feel more anxious now in public than I did pre-pandemic.
I avoid washrooms, holding it in to the point of discomfort and minding what I drink when I go out. Change rooms are out of the question; last month I initially declined curling with colleagues because I thought I would need to use them. That also means I can’t go to the local Nordic spa or attend a spin class. I get nervous at the bookstore when I’m passing by the children’s section. Even shopping for clothes, especially something intimate like a sports bra, is incredibly fraught.
I’ve been talking about messaging that trans women like me are predators or threats for years. I’ve never been entirely able to ignore it because that was paired with a body of bad experiences where I was singled out and mistreated for being gender non-conforming in public – including running from a group of men wanting to beat me up. It’s been years since one of those incidents, but I can’t tell if it’s because I have barely gone out during the pandemic, or if it’s because things are indeed better.
When I have fears like this, I try to put the strong feelings aside and reason my way through – because some of these, like my fear of flying, are unsubstantiated. So I try to take a step back to think about it critically; to keep perspective.
I am well aware of the tremendous progress that’s been made over the last decade for trans people especially, and I do want to let that anxiety go, but it’s really hard to do. Despite all of the advancement, the messaging that people like me are predators or threats has never been louder. Take a look at the appendix below. I know too that this messaging is successfully making transphobes out of ordinary people.
The way our political climate works as well, people who have a few key beliefs will subscribe to a political party that aligns with those, but then tend to buy into whatever other unrelated objectives that party promotes. Right now for much of the English-speaking conservative world, that’s an obsession with getting rid of trans women, non-binary individuals, trans youth, and drag queens.
So how do I maintain perspective in a climate like this? How can I tell how safe I am really?
Right now, every gendered public space feels like a minefield. I hate that I’ve been out in some form for over two decades, and trans as ten, and I’m still living in fear like this. I hate that this piece I wrote in 2014 is still relevant.
Appendix: A month in intimidation
I wanted to record a snapshot of the intimidation that’s been floating around that I’m aware of. I’ve limited it to the last month – November 20th to December 20th.
Ottawa, December 19
The Happy Goat coffee shop has its windows smashed a second time for displaying a pride flag. Their windows had also been smashed during the convoy.
Welland, December 18
Convoy-affiliated protesters gather outside a vegan restaurant in Welland for hosting a drag brunch. They blare around with pick-up trucks that have an American and “Fuck Trudeau” flag. One has a sign “trans story time involving kids is grooming”, while another has a shirt calling attendees groomers. The use of the pride flag is to “reclaim the rainbow” for God. I believe that if it wasn’t for counter-demonstrators showing up, the event would have been disrupted.
Calgary, December 18
An all-ages drag brunch event is cancelled in Calgary due to threats.
Inglewood, December 18
An all-ages drag brunch in Inglewood proceeds has convoy-affiliated people show up to harass the attendees.
Peterborough, December 17
An event at Lavender and Play in Peterborough featuring nineteen year old drag performer Betty Baker is cancelled after threats to her, employees, and their patrons. This followed harassment she and families faced in September at a story time event she led. This is what kind of event these bigots successfully shut down with threats of violence:
I was in Peterborough that day for a wedding.
Brockville, December 17
Convoy-affiliated protesters attempt to burn down the library to stop a drag story time in Brockville, an hour outside of Ottawa. They later call in to say they’ll bomb them if the event isn’t cancelled. Some of the agitators are the same ones as from Welland.
When the story time proceeds, bigots show up to call those attending pedophiles.
This is who they were threatening with violence:
Rouyn-Noranda, December 17
Sophie Labelle, trans cartoonist, has her book tour disrupted in Rouyn-Noranda by a transphobe. I watch her in Ottawa the following day, where she shares that she gets at least one death threat every day for being out there making comics as a trans person.
Lawrencetown, December 16
The pride flag and building for the Bee’s Knees General Store and Bakery, which is run by queer women, was ripped down and the flag pole broken. A week later, someone would tear down their pride flags again and cover it in human feces, and also rip down another pride flag down the road.
London, December 14
The London Police concludes that it had acted appropriately after it woke up trans streamer and advocate Clara Sorrenti at gunpoint and arrested her. She had been swatted by a transphobe who, as of the time of the police findings, had yet to be charged. Other victims of swatting have been killed by police; this was tantamount to an attempt on her life.
Sorrenti, who subsequently left her home out of fears for her safety, was hounded out of the hotel she stayed at after online bigots deduced where she was staying based off of the bedsheets in her room in a cat photo she took. She subsequently fled to Northern Ireland, only to be victim to another swatting attempt there too.
Ottawa, December 13
The Trans and Gender Diverse Student Support Coordinator position is filled for the Ottawa-Carleton District Schoolboard. This is her announcement and some of the responses:
Toronto, December 12
Libs of Tiktok, a US-based far-right account linked to multiple bomb threats against children’s hospitals that offer gender-affirming care, a foiled terrorist plot in Coeur d’Alene against a Pride event, death threats to an Ontario LGBTQ2S+ youth centre, getting multiple teachers fired for being gay or welcoming of students, targets one of my acquaintances.
Hamilton, December 11
Convoy-affiliated intimidation of a drag brunch at Boston Pizza in Hamilton. Some are the same actors from Brockville and Welland.
Kelowna, December 8
Attendees at all-ages Christmas-themed drag show at DunnEnzies Restaurant are harassed. The event receives messages calling them a “sick bunch of pedophiles”, “parasites”, and the owners told they should be executed.
Oshawa, December 6
A good friend of mine, Fae Johnstone, is invited by Durham College to speak about gender-based violence on the 33rd anniversary of Polytechnique. This is her discussing that and a sampling of the hate she received online:
Toronto, November 28
Trial opens into the murder of Toronto trans activist Julie Berman. The defense lawyers allege she had bludgeoned herself to death using two dumbbells. The jury would later find the defendant guilty of second degree murder.
Ottawa, November 27
Libs of Tiktok tells its 1.7 million followers that my friend Fae is providing instructions to perform child genital mutilations. This lie pushes its followers to harass her.
Sarnia, November 26
A dozen masked men go to a bookstore where a drag story time was taking place to intimidate patrons:
They were watching the parking lot when a few protesters began gathering and then she saw 10 to 12 men, masked and dressed in black, matching across the parking lot at Northgate plaza toward the book store.
“It felt very military – very intimidating,” Chamberlain said.
She said the store called police. Two cruisers arrived and stayed until the end of the story hour.
Vancouver, November 25
People show up to harass a story telling with drag queens in Vancouver. Among them is Chris Elston (shown with the billboard), who last fall had come to Ottawa to display transphobic messaging outside of an elementary school.
Renfrew, November 25
Convoy-affiliated people show up outside of a school in Renfrew, just outside of Ottawa, to harass a trans girl within because she might use the women’s washrooms.
Ottawa, November 25
Ottawa-based Shopify announces that it will continue to operate the storefront for Libs of Tiktok. Effectively, they are helping fund the next LoTT-linked bomb threat against LGBTQ+ people.
Hamilton, November 24
Bigots show up to harass those at a drag story time in Hamilton.
The performer had a previous event, a drag brunch on November 13 in Burlington, cancelled by the restaurant after management grew concerned about such disruptions.
Hamilton, November 23
Bekett Noble takes their life in the counselor’s office of Redeemer University. Bekett had spent years trying to get the university to address the hostile treatment LGBTQ+ students had been facing at the institution, but the administration were unwilling to change as to, in their view, not offend homophobic and transphobic donors.
Gatineau, November 20
I’m at a Trans Day of Remembrance event in Gatineau. A mother in attendance shares of the loss of her rainbow child, who passed away from suicide in March at age 10 following bullying and the school’s inaction. A trans teenager shares of the difficulties they’ve faced.
Ottawa, November 20
A group of transphobes demonstrate downtown on the Trans Day of Remembrance. This is the same group that had previously defaced posters supporting trans rights throughout town and left messages attacking the city’s trans population.
United States, November 19 – 20
There isn’t enough room to cover the open season on gender and sexual minorities going on in the United States, but I will note one event in particular, which was the hate-motivated mass murder at an LGBTQ+ nightclub, Club Q. To avoid a hate crime charge, the defense lawyer would make the false claim that his client was non-binary, dropping the pretence as soon as it proved ineffectual.
