Maëlys McArdle

Category: Life

Every other post.

  • Debates are not neutral

    This week the Vancouver Public Library is at the center of outcry over its hosting of Meghan Murphy’s event. She is perhaps the highest profile transphobe in Canada along with Jordan Peterson. The VPL said in its statement following the negative attention:

    VPL is not endorsing, or hosting this event; it is a rental of our public space. VPL has zero tolerance for discrimination and does not agree with the views of the Feminist Current. However, commitment to free speech and intellectual freedom are fundamental values of public libraries and are bedrock values for democratic society. As such, we will not refuse to rent to an individual or organization simply because they are discussing controversial topics or views, even those we find offensive. We seek to be a welcoming place for all, and actively find ways to support the trans, gender variant and two-spirit communities.

    It reminded me of the University of Toronto debate in November 2016 on gender identity featuring Jordan Peterson. The University of Toronto said at the time through their media relations person:

    Media relations director Althea Blackburn-Evans said Peterson “has the right to express his views,” but that faculty members “also have responsibilities to create a learning environment at the University of Toronto that’s free from discrimination.

     

    “The university’s mandate is to foster discussion and debate around topics that can often be very controversial,” Blackburn-Evans said.

    In both cases these venues portrayed themselves as neutral and against discrimination. On this I wish to be clear:

    • Debates are not neutral.
    • Hosting speakers is not a neutral gesture.

    We know this, because had the speaker been a Neo-Nazi, the VPL and U of T wouldn’t have given them a platform. It isn’t a violation of free speech to decline to give a platform to bigotry, but it is a choice.

    It is inconsistent to insist they oppose discrimination while playing a key part in promulgating beliefs that a particular segment of society should be denied fundamental rights. It is no coincidence that the people making such statements on behalf of these institutions are not those targeted by this vitriol.

    Part of what is going on here, I believe, is this myth that debates are neutral. That speech does not contribute to discrimination. That we live in a society of unfettered free speech. That the right side wins in the battle of ideas. That discrimination is a thing of the past, or a thing that takes place over there, or a case of individuals acting badly.

    It ignores that for groups that are marginalized, the side to win these debates in the beginning is the side that argues to further ostracize them. The view of those with power, be it on women’s rights, gay rights, trans rights, sex worker rights, indigenous rights, always starts off opposed. Eventually, but certainly not always as we see with indigenous rights an sex workers, there is a shift. During that transition, a lot of people continue to be opposed to rights. So when you inject a platform for people to argue to support this marginalization during this period of transition, it carries heft. People listen. This doesn’t take place in a void and so people act on what they hear. Those acts are legal – most discrimination is. And it can do a lot of damage.

    Jordan Peterson rose to fame specifically on the basis of his transphobic views amplified by Canadian and American media. So it happens now that I sit down at a restaurant, and I overhear the man at the table next to me share with great enthusiasm to the person across from him Jordan Peterson’s view on gender. That man, and those like him, are embolden through this validation to treat people like me worse. These views are validated and legitimized through their association with institutions like the University of Toronto and the Vancouver Public Library. They thought it was okay, so it’s okay for me too, right?

    To the cis people heading these institutions, it’s harmless free speech. It’s harmless to them that’s for sure. But to me, it’s adding to the bottom tier of the discrimination pyramid, lowering the bar for the harsher acts that follow.

  • Love Letter to Ottawa

    Love Letter to Ottawa

    I have lived in Ottawa my whole life. It’s a conservative government town with a population of a million that feels much smaller, and has earned nicknames like “The city that fun forgot” and named one of the most boring cities in the world.

    I have always found those descriptors irritating. There’s festivals going on every day, there’s a massive kink community, a good indie music scene, a singular but active queer community with the country’s best feminist bookshop and queer vegan shops popping up. Yes, there’s not as much as bigger cities like Montreal, Vancouver, or Toronto – but our population is a fraction of theirs.

    Partially in response to this constant criticism of the city, I started taking photos years ago of places that I found beautiful. Maybe some people will see what I see when I’m here.

  • Emergent Traits in Trans Activism

    This is a short article in which I want to note two emergent traits I have observed in trans activism.

    The traits can be summarized as such:

    1. An entitlement by privileged trans people co-opting the hardships of others
    2. A framing of trans rights as only being about gender identity
    An entitlement by privileged trans people co-opting the hardships of others

    The entitlement I’ve observed is especially true of trans people who are white, financially secure, have supportive families, have recently transitioned (post 2008, and especially post 2014) and lack dependents. They co-opt the statistics of trans people of colour and lived of experiences of poor trans people, passing off their hardships as their own. They wield their privilege and co-opted identity to divest resources and recognition from those who do far more. They do experience discrimination, but lack the awareness to appreciate their relative privilege.

    A framing of trans rights as only being about gender identity

    Under this framing, equality is reached when trans identities are normalized. This narrative ignores the ways that trans people have been systemically prevented from a safe and secure existence. In this framing of trans rights as being about gender identity, the following topics are avoided:

    • Poverty reduction
    • Housing as a right
    • Sex work as work
    • Living wages
    • Rights for precarious workers
    • Reduction in unionized workers
    • Police brutality
    • HIV criminalization
    • Rape culture
    • Free tuition
    • Good public transit
    • Physical access to spaces
    • Drug use criminalization
    • Colonialism

    I believe these topics are avoided because the discussions around trans rights are led by the privileged trans people mentioned previously. They have not experienced the systemic discrimination that the statistics they coopt refer to, and therefore fail to take these factors into account when discussing the marginalization of trans people.

  • Spanking

    This is the most vulnerable, guilt-inducing, scary and uncomfortable writing I have shared openly to date. Yet these feelings are eclipsed by a recognition that this isn’t talked about, and I want there to be at least one more voice out there. Even though what I experienced is in a small minority, perhaps it’ll resonate with someone who needs to be validated in the way I never was.

    When I was eleven, I started to desire being spanked. Not erotically, but as punishment, like my step-dad would do to me. In anger, with a hand, over the knee, with my pants pulled down for the worst offenses, and excruciating. I feared what I wanted: I was terrified of his blows, yet still wanted ones just like his.

    The development of my desire for spankings was before I was sexually conscious, so at the time it was just something I really liked. I would look up the word “spanking” in the dictionary. I would invent stories where I was sent to facilities with spanking machines. I spanked my plush toys. I envied medieval whipping boys. I asked my best friend spank me in my parent’s basement, which he obliged. Meanwhile I was petrified of my step-dad actually hitting me.

    The summer I turned thirteen my dad was dating an emotionally unstable woman. When she threatened a spanking in the car on a vacation, I egged her on to do it. Once we got to the hotel she ordered me on the bed and gave me a few light taps. I was disappointed. I had wanted it to hurt. Later in the summer, something else happened, and I asked her to spank me. She approached my dad, who then asked me if I had said that. I denied it. I ended up running away from there when she went to beat me with a horse whip at the end of the summer.

    My step-dad last threatened a “spanking” when I was eleven, though when I was fifteen he gave a neighbour permission to spank me while he was on a vacation with my mom in Europe. My neighbour had an incredulous look reading the letter out loud that informed him of this; I just looked down and said “yeah”. At home my step-dad had replaced spankings with threats of kicking my ass, usually to silence my anger. I needed to let those emotions out and adapted at first by smiling, but that only made him worse. I finally took to hitting my head in my room. While his last threat to kick my ass was when I was sixteen, I didn’t stop fearing his anger until I was twenty.

    At twenty-one, I had my first consensual spanking as an adult. In the same encounter, I was also sexually assaulted. I had been trained I couldn’t say no, and so when he fingered me without asking, I just took it. That began a realisation that I did not like sex. I would come to like the intimacy it gave me with my partner, and the satisfaction of giving myself to my partner, but not the sex itself. The only thing that got me off was thinking of spanking. Spanking was my sexual orientation. But it went beyond sexuality; I needed to be spanked as punishment for real errors. This differed from all other descriptions of adulthood spankings I had heard, in which it was for play and sexual intimacy. Even in D/s dynamics. This wasn’t play for me. It wasn’t sexual in this way. I craved real non-consensual spankings. If I did anything wrong, even if I had made amends and was forgiven, I had great difficulty tolerating myself. Physical punishment felt like the only release valve to make the world feel right again.

    I came to figure that my desire for spankings was my body’s way of adapting to an environment in which a parent was inflicting incredible pain on me regularly. Had his spankings been more like my birth mom’s or my dad’s girlfriend – a few light taps more meant to register displeasure than to hurt me – I doubt this adaptation would have developed. It didn’t take a lot to get spanked by my step-dad: if I didn’t go to the bath with enough enthusiasm, if I asked him to help me find something and he found it first, etc. I have felt guilt for developing this spanking paraphilia when my experiences weren’t that bad compared to others. This shame is still there, but less so, with the assurances of my last therapist that such a profound reaction is not out of the ordinary for sensitive children.

    At the end of my twenties, I dated a person who was spanked harshly growing up. She also developed a desire in childhood for pain, but inverted, as the person who inflicted it. We had a lot of kinky play sessions, where she gave me spankings in the style of my step-dad only amped up. She spanked me with a belt, overcoming my teenage fears of it. Later, at my request, she gave me two real spankings. These were for misdeeds in our relationship and were not for play. The anticipation, pain, and ensuing relief felt amazing for me, despite being a genuine moment of accountability. She, however, cried afterwards both times. She explained later that she felt like the spankings silenced her and prevented her from expressing the pain with my initial actions. It put her in a one-sided parental role. We talked more about it, and she made me realise that being spanked like this was incompatible with emotional growth of both partners. This is not what I wanted. I had worked very hard in my twenties to undo the effects of my upbringing in my relationships and diminished emotional regulation and wanted to keep progressing.

    When the next person I dated, who also spanked me for play, ended the relationship citing she felt she had taken on a parental role, that made me question what had become my sexual orientation. There were other reasons why that relationship ended related to that comment, but this was nonetheless a remark that hit close to this mess of emotions and conflicted desires around spanking.

    One of the therapists I saw suggested I could move on by masturbating to conventional porn. I tried. It was honestly like trying to get off to a piece of toast. I only get turned on from fantasies of being spanked. What will my life be if these desires persist, and remain unfulfilled for the sake of healthy relationships?

    I’m still conflicted. Part of this is trauma reenactment, not trauma play, yet I have nothing else to replace it with to fulfill the sexual void. And moving forward in life, without physical punishment for my mistakes, is like moving forward with a big weight attached to me. Up until recently I didn’t think anyone else could relate. This was so unlike anything I had heard described online. Google searches yielded articles about the harms of childhood spankings, or porn, or taken in hand / domestic discipline blogs, but nothing like this.

    That’s changed recently. I have found stories of other people like me. These make me feel less isolated by letting me know that I haven’t been the only one to experience this. While I’m not yet aware of a way to move forward with this affliction, this talk helps validate and process. Maybe one day I’ll be able to manage this in a way that is more satisfying to me. I’ve included passages from their stories below:

    VagrantVixen on Reddit:

    When my parents were kids, when they misbehaved they had to pick out their own switch. They weren’t quite so harsh with me, but I was spanked whenever I did something wrong.

    It fucked me up. I always feel guilty for everything wrong I do, even if I apologize and whomever I wronged accepted the apology, I still feel like I need physical punishment or else it cannot be forgiven. In the real world that is really Not Fucking Normal, so I continually feel guilt over things that have happened literally six or more years ago, because I was conditioned as a child that true absolution of a wrong is receiving physical punishment.

    Lynn in Hurts Me More Than You: Lynn’s Story:

    I was very young when the fantasies began—no older than six or seven. It’s hard for me to remember a time when I wasn’t aroused by images, descriptions or fantasies of being spanked, hit, or beaten.  However, it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that the physical sensations I had been experiencing since I was a small child had anything to do with sex.

    In the other fantasies, there was finally someone who punished me out of love, the way my pastor said they should—someone who genuinely hated causing me pain, but did it because they loved me so very deeply.  This was always a man whom I admired, trusted, and desired to please (unlike my father). I always felt deeply ashamed of my need to be punished, but willingly subjected myself to his loving blows. In these fantasies I felt safer, happier, and more loved than I ever did in real life.  This was the closest thing to emotional intimacy that fit into my worldview.

    Real life spankings were terrifying, painful and humiliating.  Why did I willingly relive them over and over and over again? Still, it never entered my mind to think that my physical reaction was not a normal response to fear, guilt and shame. 

    I became incredibly conflicted about sex.  I loved the physical sensations and feeling so close to my husband, but the only way to climax was to allow the images of abuse to flood through my mind whenever I started to feel aroused.

    I strongly believe that frequent spankings and the message that love requires causing pain to the object of one’s love—both of which are so prevalent in conservative homeschooling circles—played a significant role in the development of this disorder. After all, who could ever think that repeatedly hitting a child on an erogenous zone of the body would not have a sexual impact?

    Janet in Hurts Me More Than You: Deborah and Janet’s Stories:

    I began to imagine being spanked to arouse myself (though it’s weird to type the word “arouse” since I had no grasp of what was even happening). I pictured myself being forced to strip, doing things that I hated, that made me feel sick, vulnerable, and ashamed, feeling the burning hits on my bottom. I imagined it in vivid detail as I would touch my little five year old body. Yes, you read that right: five. Maybe I imagined it even earlier than that – I don’t remember. But it went on for years.

    Before I knew the slightest thing about sexuality I’d already spent nearly ten years masturbating to the equivalent of BDSM fantasies — all inspired by the spankings I endured.

    My parents really did love me and I know they were only spanking me because they thought that’s what God wanted them to do. Would they even believe me now if I told them? I don’t blame them as much as I blame the generally held belief among fundamentalist Christians that if you spank your children nothing will go wrong. Something went very wrong with me.

    Deborah in Hurts Me More Than You: Deborah and Janet’s Stories:

    The worst part of getting spanked was never the humiliation or the pain or the endless guilt and self-loathing or even the forced hugs and prayers. The worst part was that every single time I got spanked, I would get turned on. A lot of people hear this and say something along the lines of, “Well that is why you should never spank someone past puberty.” I have news for you. It didn’t start at puberty. If it had, I might have been able to understand that it was something sexual or weird. It started by my earliest memories of being spanked. I remember it every time I remember getting spanked. I just thought it was part of the deal. It wasn’t until I learned about sexual arousal as an adult that I understood it.

    Polly in Hurts Me More Than You: Polly’s Story:

    By 8 I was sneaking my mother’s parenting books, looking up the word spanking in the encyclopedia and dictionary. Anytime someone was spanked in a book I would read it over and over and over. I wanted to discuss spankings for hours with my friends, but they didn’t have the same response as me. I did not connect it as something sexual until my late teens/early 20’s.

    Eventually, I found “Christian Domestic Discipline” sites where the husbands would spank and punish their wives in other ways. Again I felt relief and happiness that I was not alone, and there were not children involved, so maybe I wasn’t actually a pedophile — just a freak.

    An anonymous Redditor in a relationship advice post:

    I had incredibly strict parents and was spanked until I left for college (that’s a whole other subject that probably needs to be addressed). Now when I think back to some of those spankings, I get really turned on and would love to reenact them basically exactly as they happened with someone I love and trust. My husband gets along well with my parents and other than knowing that I was spanked growing up, he’s doesn’t know how often and how late I was spanked. … Nothing was abusive, per se, but it was definitely not normal and probably the reason I’ve sexualized it.

    Jillian Keenan in Hey Christian Parents, Spanking Kids Is Sex Abuse:

    My whole life, I’ve been obsessed with spanking. Spanking occupies the place in my life that sex occupies in the lives of most people: As a child, it’s what I was curious about; as an adult, it’s the only thing I fantasize about and the only thing that satisfies me.

    Jillian Keenan in It’s Difficult To Admit That Childhood Spankings Can Be Sexual Assault:

    Sex [to me], as I write in the book, is like masturbating to the thought of toothpaste. I just don’t care about sex. Spanking occupies that space in my life in every way.

    The fact is, by the time I was 3 or 4 or 5, certainly by the age of 10, spanking was a sex act to me. My body and my mind experienced it as such, so when this happened to me non-consensually, something sexual was happening to me non-consensually. And that’s how I reacted.

  • List of Anti-Trans Scientific-Sounding Evidence

    List of Anti-Trans Scientific-Sounding Evidence

    While there are thousands of peer reviewed articles and a multitude of medical organisations that support the acceptance of trans people, there are also a handful of articles and medical professionals that are in opposition. Yet this handful is over-represented in newspapers and television. After hearing mental health professionals inquire about both the Swedish Study and Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria at a training session, I thought I’d address them here.

    Literature

    The Swedish Study

    Actual Name: Long-Term Follow-Up of Transsexual Persons Undergoing Sex Reassignment Surgery: Cohort Study in Sweden

    How Opponents Use It: “A 2011 long term Swedish study that followed a 30-year trajectory of 324 people who had sex reassignment surgery found that suicide rates 10 years after surgery were 20 times that of the non-trans population… Surely it is the government’s first responsibility to try to prevent suicides rather than to validate emotive claims made by those least capable of assessing their condition with objectivity.” Source.

    What’s Wrong About It: The study does not compare suicide rates of trans people before and after surgery. It compares trans people with cisgender people after surgery. It does not take into account that trans people have a high rate of suicidality as a result of discrimination and intolerance before surgery. When this is accounted for, research indicates that the suicide rate goes down after surgery.

    The leading author of the 2011 study, Cecilia Dhejne, has also spoken out against the interpretation of her research by opponents. She said “People who misuse the study always omit the fact that the study clearly states that it is not an evaluation of gender dysphoria treatment. If we look at the literature, we find that several recent studies conclude that WPATH Standards of Care compliant treatment decrease gender dysphoria and improves mental health.”

    Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria

    Actual Name: Rapid-onset gender dysphoria in adolescents and young adults: A study of parental reports

    How Opponents Use It: “Dr. Littman describes the condition experienced by these girls as “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” (ROGD). It develops during or soon after puberty and mainly affects girls with no previous signs of childhood gender dysphoria . According to the study, parents say that many girls do have a history of mental illness, and some are on the autism spectrum. The most controversial element of Dr. Littman’s research is her claim that ROGD spreads via social and peer contagion. While the incidence of gender dysphoria in the general population is quite low – less than 1 per cent – it’s not uncommon for two or more girls in the same friendship group – or even half of them – to begin to identify as transgender. ROGD also spreads by social media according to Dr. Littman; some parents describe their daughters binge-watching YouTube transition videos.” Source.

    What’s Wrong About It: The study did not speak to or collect any data from trans youth for this paper on trans youth. The author surveyed 256 parents recruited from websites advocating against the acceptance of trans youth. The children described were 82% assigned female at birth and some were as old as 27. The author appears to conflate the gender dysphoria being new to the parent as being new to the child, calling it rapid onset gender dysphoria.

    Following criticism, PLOS One, the journal that published the paper, released a statement stating that it would “seek further expert assessment on the study’s methodology and analyses. We will provide a further update once we have completed our assessment and discussions.”

    Brown University, where the study’s author is based, released its own statement saying “After the research paper was published in the Journal PLOS ONE, concerns were raised about the paper’s research design and methodology by leading academics in the field… Given the concerns about research design and methods — not the controversial nature of the subject — the University decided to stop featuring this news story on its news site.”

    People

    Kenneth Zucker, Susan Bradley and Ray Blanchard

    Who Are They: Kenneth Zucker was the former head of the Gender Identity Clinic at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. This was formerly known as the Clarke Institute. Susan Bradley and Ray Blanchard both worked with the clinic.

    What’s The Deal: The clinic performed conversion therapy for trans youth. In June of 2015 Ontario passed a law to end conversion therapy in the province. The clinic was shut down months later.

    How Opponents Invoke Them: “Let’s say it were possible to take a 10-year-old kid and make them either a well-adjusted lesbian or turn them into a female-to-male transsexual,” Blanchard told Rogan. “I don’t see anything wrong with saying it’s better to make this kid into a lesbian, because being a lesbian doesn’t require breast amputation, the construction of a not-very-convincing false penis, and a lifetime of testosterone shots.” Source.

    “We urge them to say, ‘Let’s figure out what other things you can do besides play with that doll,’” Zucker says. “In some situations, we have to work hard with parents’ own issues about gender. Could be a mother who’s had difficulty with the men in her life and has a lot of mixed feelings toward men. That gets translated to the boy, and her fear that he’ll grow up to be like those men causes him to reject being a boy.” Source.

    “The trans movement is crossing ethical lines with a particularly vulnerable subset of young people struggling with issues of gender identity,” writes Susan Bradley. “A recent article by Elise Ehrhard in Crisis Magazine, a Catholic periodical, addresses the aggressive approach by adult trans activists in recruiting adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome or other types of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) to their cause.” Source.

    Paul McHugh

    Who Is He: Paul McHugh is the former chief of psychiatry of the John Hopkins Hospital. He shut down the gender identity clinic that performed surgeries in 1979, thirteen years after its first such surgery, and four years after he had become the chief of psychiatry. He retired in 2001. In 2017, John Hopkins Hospital resumed performing gender affirming surgeries.

    What’s The Deal: McHugh’s former status at John Hopkins has been used to legitimize his view against affirming medical care for trans individuals in leading newspapers. While he has opined on trans individuals, has never interviewed or collected data from them.

    In 2016, The New Atlantis published McHugh’s article “Sexuality and Gender“. The current faculty at John Hopkins disavowed McHugh’s article citing that it “was not published in the scientific literature, where it would have been subject to rigorous peer review prior to publication” and that it “mischaracterizes the current state of the science on sexuality and gender.” While The New Atlantis purports to be a scientific journal, it is not peer reviewed, was founded by the conservative Ethics and Public Policy Center, and publishes articles like “The Population Control Holocaust” in apparent reference to birth control and abortion.

    How Opponents Invoke Him: “HRC and other pro-LGBTQ organizations are trying to discredit McHugh because he is the most respected medical and psychiatric authority debunking transsexual “gender change” ideology, which includes recommending “sex reassignment” surgical reconstructions — even minors —of healthy sexual organs to imitate body characteristics of the opposite sex.” Source.

    Jordan Peterson

    Who Is He: Jordan Peterson is a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. He acquired fame after he published YouTube videos advocating against a bill to add gender identity and gender expression to the Canadian Human Rights Act.

    What’s The Deal: Previous to Jordan Peterson, arguments against trans rights centered around the bathroom predator myth. As the sexual predator argument was losing steam in the face of increasing acceptance for trans people, Peterson popularized a new argument: that human rights legislation would require people to use the right pronouns for non-binary individuals. He wrote of pronouns, “These words are at the vanguard of a post-modern, radical leftist ideology that I detest, and which is, in my professional opinion, frighteningly similar to the Marxist doctrines that killed at least 100 million people in the 20th century.” Peterson has never researched trans people.

    How Opponents Invoke Him: “In the later years of Adolf Hitler’s Germany, the government made it compulsory for people to use the “Heil Hitler” salute in all public greetings. They risked prosecution, arrest and even death for refusing to do so… Prof. Peterson is facing intense criticism from students, professors and administrators for saying he will not use genderless pronouns (such as “they”) to refer to transgender students, if asked. … Forcing members of private organizations to call transgender people by the personal pronouns of their choosing is a form of conscripted speech.” Source.

    Organizations

    American College of Pediatricians

    Who They Are: The American College of Pediatricians is a conservative advocacy group with an estimated 500 members. It is meant to be equated to the American Academy of Pediatrics which has an estimated 64,000 members.

    How Opponents Invoke Them: “Dr. Michelle Cretella is Executive Director of the American College of Pediatricians who focused on children’s behavioral health as a general pediatrician. I asked her about the Brown University study, and the increase in children identifying as transgender… “Yes. Regarding transgender identification, social contagion is unleashed on teens via the internet, mainstream and social media, messaging in schools, peer pressure, and sadly, from the medical elites who propagandize gender ideology as science.””

    Meanwhile: The evidence-based American Academy of Pediatrics has advocated to support trans youth stating “The American Academy of Pediatrics stands in support of transgender children and adults, and condemns attempts to stigmatize or marginalize them… The AAP supports policies that are gender-affirming for children – an approach that is supported by other key professional organizations.”